10 de Abril: Pedacitos
This week, some odds and ends from the Bolivian highlands that I hope will spark conversation and debate.
First, yet another Bolivian woman has been killed in Spain. The 34-year-old migrant, known only by the initials M.S.P., was discovered last week in a Marbella hotel room; she had been suffocated to death. This week, Spanish police found the likely culprit–her one-time boyfriend, a 39-year-old Peruvian man. As if to chide the dead woman, this article from Madrid’s El País newspaper notes that M.S.P. “had never reported any mistreatment [that she had received], nor solicited assistance from the Municipality of Málaga nor the Andaluz Institute of Women” (all translations mine).
Several weeks ago, in the aftermath of the murder of another Bolivian woman in Spain, I wrote a post on the problem of domestic violence against migrant women and the particular vulnerabilities these women face because of their status as (often illegal) migrants. Even women living in their countries of birth hesitate to denounce acts of violence. Sometimes this is due to their (and their children’s) financial dependence upon the perpetrators, or because police do not take the accusations seriously, or for a number of other reasons. Add to these the social isolation that many migrants suffer and the fear of deportation, and migrant women are even less likely to report (or to be able to report) acts of violence.
Accusations of sexual violence are even more fraught, as women’s behavior and dress are often scrutinized by authorities as supposed “causes” of or “justifications” for male attacks. In a recent interview, several Bolivian police officials blamed adolescent girls’ drinking for rising rape rates in La Paz’s Max Paredes neighborhood. This logic ignores the problem of male perpetrators’ sense of entitlement to women’s bodies, drunk or sober. Even in countries where activists have made significant gains in raising awareness about rape, such as the U.S., many women’s accusations go unheard. For example, see this case of a Washington, D.C. woman who was refused a rape kit–valuable forensic evidence that could have put her attacker behind bars (thanks to Feministe for reporting on this story).
In lighter–but still somewhat disturbing–news, RadioFMBolivia.Net published an article this week instructing (implicitly only) men to “caress women’s breasts to satisfy your partner more.” Accompanied by a picture of a large-breasted white woman in a seductive pose, the article, written in a woman’s voice, begins as sex advice and ends as soft porn, as the author finally succumbs to memories of an ex-boyfriend’s expert fingers.
Don’t get me wrong–I am all for frank discussions of sexuality in print, on the radio, on T.V., in the classroom, and anywhere and everywhere else. However, as I have mentioned before, sex is already surrounded by so many unrealistic and negative messages (ie., that most women can achieve orgasm by vaginal penetration alone; that touching yourself during sex means that your partner is inadequate, etc.), that not just any type of press coverage will do.
This article, for example, gives explicit advice to men on what to do and what not to do in playing with a woman’s breasts: “It is not just about putting your hands on the breasts and moving them quickly and clumsily… Handling a woman’s breasts requires a certain art, it demands patience.” But whose breasts are we talking about, here? Any woman’s? Every woman’s? “Sex advice” like that provided by this article actually discourages the one thing required for “good” sex–open and honest communication. Some women may want their partners to handle their breasts “quickly and clumsily.” Others may prefer a more delicate touch. Still others may get no sexual stimulation from having their breasts touched. But this isn’t something that men (or women who sleep with women) can find out from reading this article. If you want to know how to turn your partner on, you have to talk to her.
Articles like this one reinforce the idea that sex is something that you are either “good at” or you are not; that there are a set of objective skills that you can pick up and that will work just as well on one partner as on another, and that if you have to ask your partner what she wants, you are somehow inadequate. I’m not saying this article is totally useless–the soft porn aspect may turn your crank. But let’s keep porn, porn, and toss out the “one-size-fits-all” sex advice.
Finally, this week Bolivians voted in local (departmental and municipal) elections. The Andean Information Network has done a superb job summing up the results, so I will not attempt to replicate that here.
As always, I welcome your comments and questions.